A’s Heavenly Downloads

Today is the day I said I’d post my first piece. One of many days I said I would, I’m so pleased I’ve finally got around to it, albeit  past midnight!

I woke up this morning feeling quite enthusiastic about posting after checking my Bible app as part of my morning routine. The verse of the day was Psalm 105, verse 1: “Give thanks to the Lord, proclaim His greatness, let the whole world know what He has done.” 🙌 

So. Where to even start? Sometimes I think I should start from the beginning – a chronology of my life, but so much has happened! It might be easier to start with where I am today. 

I’m a 38 year old woman. Married, for almost 10 years, waiting for children. I mainly work from home, for a small organisation managing information and now people. Who knew I’d be saying that a couple of years ago?!

I’ve spent most of the day since the morning  doing chores, including working on clearing my new allotment plot. I’ve always liked the idea of growing my own produce and started doing so in my back garden during lockdown. Having been a mostly solitary person for the majority of my adult life, partially through choice, but mostly fear and trauma, I found gardening suited my inclination towards being alone. 

But oh how things are changing. Getting an allotment feels like I’m fulfilling part of God’s call for me to “step out”, which I heard drop very clearly in my spirit after praying in or around spring 2023. It was around the time I emerged from a deep depression, something I had suffered with for over 20 years without really telling anyone.

I’m extremely thankful to the Lord for  blessing me with an allotment. For healing me. For the hope He’s given me for the future. And the fact I’m still alive.

I actually started writing this piece on Wednesday evening. I felt prompted to do so after listening to a bible meditation on how Jesus fed 4000 people with seven loaves of bread and a few small fish (Matthew 25: 32-38). I took it as one of several points of confirmation that I need to share my story to encourage and freely give to others what I’ve received from God (the Bible and devotionals are some of the ways God speaks to me. He’s always speaking to us in different ways).

After giving thanks, Jesus broke the bread and gave it to His disciples, who in turn gave it to the crowds. The crowds ate and were satisfied and there was still more left over. I was reminded by the meditation that when God  gives us something, it’s  usually meant to be shared with others AND we  should  be grateful.

Anyway, as I was writing on Wednesday the alarm on my phone started going off. I snoozed it twice, drafted a rough piece and resolved to revisit it on Saturday. You see 9 pm is medication time, and 9 am too. Twice a day I have to take these tablets and have been doing so since last December because, almost eight months ago to the day, I received a diagnosis I never thought I would hear, especially at my age.

Notice I’m using neutral language:  a diagnosis- it’s on purpose because it doesn’t belong to me, it’s not mine, it’s not my identity. I won’t claim any sickness, which Jesus Christ has taken away. My identity is God’s daughter. Not sickness. 

I was scared though, mostly at the beginning, and I do still have to fight off the odd rogue thought that tries to frighten me every now and then. But I don’t do it alone. God has been faithful throughout. He has been so good and kind. He’s given me reassurances along the way and such a deep peace that I’ve never felt before.

He’s healing and restoring me, I believe to who he originally created me to be – It’s more than the physical. I’m a totally different person and it’s nothing to do with me. I have more peace, more joy and it’s not surface level stuff. Others have noticed the change too. 

I’m grateful that I get to have treatment, and perhaps should be more diligent in taking the tablets on time, but I’m even more grateful that I get to have a personal relationship with God, because of Jesus Christ. Through His sacrifice on the cross I have been reconciled with my creator and ultimate father, who also gives me strength through my helper, His Holy Spirit. More on that later. 

God bless.

Out of my distress I called on the LORD; the LORD answered me and set me free (Psalm 118:5)

I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. (Psalm 34:4)