A’s Heavenly Downloads

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV)

I was going to follow on from my previous post with a self-indulgent piece but decided that would take away from purpose for which I started this blog. You see this story isn’t really about me – it’s about God and how He has been with me throughout, spoken to me, intervened and shown himself to me to be faithful, consistent, loving and kind.

So, yes – I received a difficult diagnosis last November, but that’s not the main story. I mean, it’s significant, but others have it so much worse and more significant is God’s goodness and all He has done and IS doing in my life. I’m extremely blessed and beyond grateful that I get to have a relationship with my Heavenly Father who is constantly looking out for me, speaking to me and guiding me.

On Thursday after work a few weeks ago, I was reading the bible. I was searching for a scripture that we had been asked in my small church group to read and reflect on a week earlier: Matthew 13 – the parable of the sower and the seed. For some reason I couldn’t find the relevant passage, so I decided to open Matthew 23 instead to check, just in case I’d written the Bible reference down wrongly. And there it was. A stark warning that caused me to sit up and pay attention. 

To paraphrase the verses that stood out – Do not do what the scribes and Pharisees do:

• they do not practice what they preach;
• they do things to be seen by others;
• they neglect justice mercy and faith;
• they are full of greed and self-indulgence; 
• on the outside they look righteous to others but are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness on the inside.

Jesus then referred to them as “snakes” and a “brood of vipers” and asked: “How will you escape being condemned to hell?”

Whoof! I thought ‘where’s the relevance?’ ‘what’s this got to do with me?’ There is always something that’s meant for us when we read the Bible right? 

The Bible says “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness“. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NIV). It also says … “the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12 (NIV)

I read on. Jesus continued telling the scribes and Pharisees: “Therefore I am sending you prophets and sages and teachers. Some of them you will kill and crucify; others you will flog in your synagogues and pursue from town to town.” Matthew 23:33-34 (NIV)

“Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing. Look, your house is left to you desolate. For I tell you, you will not see me again until you say, ‘Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.’” Matthew 23:37-39 (NIV)

Hmmm. So, was I being like a Pharisee? Hypocritical? Greedy? Self-indulgent? Had I rejected (killed) those sent to teach and warn me? What did Jesus mean when he said “you will not see me again until you say, ‘Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.’”??

I reflected. Earlier in the day I had listened to successive devotionals on my Bible meditation app on the following topics:

• defeating gluttony
• denying the flesh
• being free of greed

The devotionals talked about avoiding the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life.  The reader invited me to repent of these behaviours, but as I was listening, I felt a sense of defiance rise within me. I was almost offended and felt condemned. I had begun to wonder as I listened, whether the app, its content and whole operation could be flawed, a trap from the enemy even. Was this me rejecting those God had sent to teach and warn me? But what had I done? What could it be that God was warning me against? 

I decided to look up some of the topics to try and get a better understanding of the devotionals. I read amongst other things that the lust of the flesh or craving sensual gratification is a sinful desire for worldly pleasures that God has forbidden, its often selfish and includes greed and gluttony.  

The lust of the eyes, or greedy longings of the mind, is a sinful desire to possess (or covet) things we see that we don’t have such as money, houses, cars, other material possessions, a certain physical appearance, or even a person. This often leaves us wanting more, newer, better possessions, leading to the endless accumulation of things we don’t need and that will never satisfy us. God provides us with everything we need – redemption, forgiveness, eternal life and more.  When we aren’t content with what we’ve been given, we are ultimately complaining against God and think He is withholding good things from us.   

The pride of life includes pride in self, arrogance, ostentation, presumption, and boasting due to a love of the things of this world.

I then realised that I’d spent the day before, Wednesday, browsing the internet and scrolling endlessly on my phone for things I didn’t need – food, plants.  I had been fasting that day (or was supposed to have been) and had for some time been battling a tendency to get carried away with cravings and buying things I didn’t need, spending money I didn’t have.

 I felt that God was probably bringing these things to my attention to help me and lead me back towards him and realised that I had pushed back on the devotionals that challenged parts of my behaviour that was keeping me from God. I felt ashamed and sorry.

I spent the following day, the Friday, feeling a little grumpy, barely able to praise and worship. I began to feel that it was impossible to live right and stay on track as a Christian and be holy.

But Jesus said with God all things are possible right?  I thought: holiness is from God, not from me. I can’t do it on my own, but God can.  I reflected some more.

Over the next couple of days this is what I learned. And I should stay I’m still learning (I’ve actually been trying to write this piece for a few weeks and each time I come to write I receive a new revelation).

Firstly, I received a daily prayer devotional in my inbox on spiritual fruitfulness which explained the meaning of true fasting, which is to loosen the bonds that bind us, provide freedom from them and create an active compassion for other people. I went on to the internet to find out more, I learnt that true fasting is  denying ourselves of what we have to help others, for  example  denying ourselves of the time and effort spent on ourselves for the sake of others’ welfare and freedom, or of the money spent on ourselves for those in need

The following morning I received a daily devotional from the priest who officiated my wedding over ten years ago. He still keeps in contact, which is nice, albeit mostly by sending daily devotionals. The devotional was a reminder of some of God’s promises, including his promise to ever leave us or forsake us. He will never leave us to figure things out on our own.

Another church friend, I call her my “church auntie” sent me a devotional later that morning on having an open mindset which, according to the devotional entails being grateful for what I know, but believing there is more to know, for example through searching scriptures and asking questions, whereas a closed mindset is characterised by an attitude that believes it knows all there is to know about a subject . This was encouraging. I felt I was on the right track.

The following morning, I received another daily devotional, based on Luke 1:37: For nothing will be impossible with God, again encouraging me that I was on the right track.  I then watched a movie about the book of Revelation, which explored the content and context of the letters and led to the conclusion that God’s redeeming love, always offers us a way out.

That evening, I read an article on the fruit of the spirit and learnt that we sow into the spirit (instead of the flesh) by spending time in his word, in praise and worship, in prayer, and by fellowshipping with other believers. Spending time in God’s word allows us to know and understand his character, just as we have gotten to know our loved ones by spending time with them. It also highlighted the importance having other believers in your life who God can use to encourage you, like the priest and my church auntie.

God speaks to us in so many ways, through people and his word. I studied and read, but also prayed and asked the Holy Spirit for understanding and the majority of the information and guidance I received came to me, I didn’t necessarily have to dig and work hard for it. As I sought to understand more, God revealed more of Himself. God makes it easy for us if we truly want to know. “If you seek me with all your heart you will find me.” I could have left my understanding at condemnation and sorrow, but wanting and choosing to know more has led to a richer understanding of the Matthew passage and of God himself.

As I came back to my notes to write this piece, I was struck by the importance of knowing God’s character. God is good and gracious, merciful, loving and kind. There truly is no condemnation in Christ.

The Pharisees and scribes in Matthew 23 displayed awful traits, yet Jesus still tried to help them by sending prophets and sages, who they killed and yet he still offered a way out. Through Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross we are cleansed from sin and get to walk with and fellowship with God as we were made to. He has given us His Holy Spirit to help us and direct us, if we accept Him as our Lord and saviour. I believe this is what Jesus meant when he said, “you will not see me again until you say, ‘Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.’”

The Pharisees didn’t have faith, but Jesus was willing to help, just as God helped me understand that focusing too much on the things of the world can harden our hearts to the things of God.  There is nothing wrong with shopping, or browsing per se. God gives us good things for our pleasure and enjoyment, to be used at the right times, without being mastered by any of it. When we focus too much on the flesh, and allow our fleshly desires to take over, we can become dull to the spirit and hearing from God, we can lose sight of Him. A hardened heart caused me to see things in a harsh, negative way, my heart posture was all wrong as was my attitude to being corrected. But God helped me to understand, in a loving,  helpful and constructive way that is so true to His character.

It’s so important to be able to hear his voice clearly and know when he’s speaking to us because without him we can do nothing. God sees and knows everything. He often sends people our way to guide us because he is a good God and that’s what happened to me last year. A catch up with a former colleague led to her encouraging me to attend a fertility clinic, something I had discounted a long time ago. I eventually went but felt uncomfortable about the procedures involved and was unsure as to whether to continue. Being able to hear or feel God’s prompting to carry on with the procedures I was opposed to led to a discovery that literally saved my life.