A’s Heavenly Downloads

So this has been an interesting couple of weeks – weeks in which I should’ve been rejoicing and joyful, and nothing else.

I received some good news in the middle of January. In fact it should’ve been received as amazing news, but for some reason I felt a mixture of fear, doubt,  anxiety, mistrust, grumpiness, irritability and ultimately (possibly?) ungrateful.

Emotions. I’ve tried to bury them for most of my life, mostly the ones that make me feel most vulnerable- fear, sadness, heartbreak, shame, rejection. 

It’s hard. I’ve  been through a difficult and emotionally draining period, but I’m at the end of it now, yet the end seems more challenging. I say that knowing that I’m yet to fully address what I’ve actually been feeling and why. It feels like a wall that needs to be broken.

I believe God gave us emotions for a purpose. Jesus had emotions and he openly showed them: grief, anger; joy and more. I’m sure he experienced the worst, most  vulnerable ones when he was betrayed and hung on the cross, yet he was still loving in those moments .

I’m also certain that God is working in me to help me by slowly and gently unraveling the layers of  years of being lost in order to restore me to who he created me to be.

I trust what God is doing. He is transforming my life and  my story is living proof of His love and faithfulness.

 Thank you Lord for your grace,  mercy and kindness. Thank You for sending  Jesus to make a way for me to know and connect with you. Thank you for your love, in Jesus’ name I pray .

Thank you Lord. Please  forgive me Father. Help me please. x