A’s Heavenly Downloads

Part 1 of 2

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

What if our idea of rest isn’t really rest? 

I went to a Bible Study group the other week and we read  and re-told the story of Jesus’ feeding of the 5000 in the book of Mark chapter  6, verses 30 to 44. I thought I knew that story as showcasing one of Jesus’ famous miracles,  but it turns out it’s so much more. The story spoke to me in such a different way that I’m sure I’ll be forever changed by it.

The last few weeks have been exceptionally busy and stressful for me. We’ve been short staffed and generally under-resourced at work for a while, with an increased workload across the board. I’ve also been covering two roles and pulled in different directions for months. I was exhausted when I went to that meeting and to be honest, am still recovering.

One particular colleague had been placing excessive demands on my time and resources and heavily testing  my patience. They hadn’t been completing the tasks they been set, had been forgetful, unable to explain the work they had completed and what was outstanding, mixing up their notes and ultimately causing me extra work in having to unpick what they’d done  in what was an already difficult and busy period. 

On top of that, our weekly catch ups largely consisted of them complaining for an hour or so about any and everything work related and otherwise. 

On the one hand they were bored. On the other, their workload was too much. They  didn’t want any changes to their  role or responsibilities and didn’t offer any other potential solutions. They were generally disgruntled at organisational and staffing changes, and also struggling to keep up with them. My colleague did have some legitimate concerns around  the effectiveness and efficiency of systems and equipment, but had generally been displaying negative and spiralling thought patterns for weeks, if not months, with no real resolution in sight.

Outside of work they’d also been having a difficult time , single handedly caring for their elderly mother who had dementia and having a general existential crises about their  purpose in life, health concerns and whether there was any point in them continuing to work. They didn’t have a family of their own and had been single for the majority of their life. I genuinely felt sorry for them . But I was also tired and drained. 

I too had been dealing with my own health concerns, including excessive pain from what I think was a slipped uterine coil, excessive work demands, stress, and my dad’s challenging diagnosis had also been playing on my mind. I was tired.

It had gotten to the point where my  colleague’s work was severely slipping and affecting our stakeholders, leaving us open for criticism and the risk of possible legal challenge. After several weeks of suggesting improvement and solutions, including a timetable for them to complete tasks, things still hadn’t improved. We had a meeting to discuss their  role and responsibilities. 

It was a late afternoon meeting, which started in the usual way – with complaints and what came across as excuses as to why certain tasks hadn’t been completed. I would usually try and empathise and encourage.  But I wasn’t my usual self that day. This time I was more direct,  focused on the agenda and tasks, and perhaps a bit sterner. I’m sure my colleague sensed it – the seriousness and change in tone. I was probing, countering excuses with  facts. 

My colleague’s reported heavy  workload turned out in fact, to be less than they had presented it to be. They became tearful: “I don’t know my purpose anymore”. “I know I’m not doing a good job, I’ve never felt like this in any previous role and I know how these things go… I don’t want to be out on a performance improvement plan”. 

I was indifferent. Tired and quite frankly wanted the meeting and working day to end so I could retreat to my bed. But I was also praying in that moment for God’s Holy Spirit to help and guide me in our conversation because, whether my colleague was being genuine or not (and I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt), they were not in a good place. I felt led to encourage them.

I told them that they are a valuable member of the team, because they genuinely are. I explained the importance of the tasks that they carry out and how they help  keep things running smoothly when they’re working well. The team would struggle without them. 

My colleague’s demeanour changed. They thanked me and indicated that my words meant a lot to them.  I felt lighter too – it felt good to see their spirit lifted.

We agreed tasks for my colleague to  focus on, some smart objectives and I also  suggested that they may find it beneficial to undertake some training and employee assistance programs to help them better manage their work, life, stress and build resilience.

That evening I went to the Bible study. We read the story in Mark 6: 30-44  and were invited to retell it in our own words, so I paraphrase accordingly. I have also copied key parts of the story because I cannot do it justice in my own words. 

The apostles (Jesus’ followers – also known as disciples) went to Jesus and told Him about all the work they’d been doing. Jesus invited them to a quiet, secluded  place to rest by themselves, alone and away from the business and crowds. As they were leaving, many people – multitudes – saw them, followed them, and even ran ahead of them to meet them at their destination, essentially (in my view) ruining their plans for rest and solitude.

 When Jesus saw the “great multitude” He was moved with compassion for them, He began to teach them.

It got late and towards the end of the day Jesus’ disciples suggested He send the people away to surrounding towns to get some food because they were in a deserted place with nothing to eat, and it was late.

But instead Jesus told his disciples “You give them something to eat.” The disciples questioned how they could feed the crowd and whether they could afford to buy so much bread to do so. But Jesus asked them, “How many loaves do you have? Go and see.” 

The disciples found out and reported that they had five loaves and two fish. Then Jesus “commanded them to make them all sit down in groups on the green grass.”

“So they sat down in ranks, in hundreds and in fifties. And when He had taken the five loaves and the two fish, He looked up to heaven, blessed and broke the loaves, and gave them to His disciples to set before them; and the two fish He divided among them all. And they took up twelve baskets full of fragments and of the fish. Now those who had eaten the loaves were about five thousand men.”

We were asked to consider in small groups what the story teaches us about God, what it teaches us about ourselves and what, if anything, we would do differently as a result.

My first  thought was a memory from a few evenings earlier, when I was feeling inwardly grumpy about sharing my leftover roast turkey with my husband. He had specifically told me earlier in the day that he intended to have something else for dinner, so I planned to cook for one. He changed his mind right before dinner and I offered it to him, but I just didn’t think there was enough turkey to cover both of us. 

At the time, I was reminded of Jesus’ miracle of feeding the  5000. I felt convicted and decided to change my attitude, be generous and trust God to provide. I shredded the turkey into a rice dish that I had pre-cooked for myself prior to the hubby’s  encroachment and there ended up being more than enough food to fill us both up with leftovers for the following day.  It was amazing! And delicious!

But there was so much more to the story than that. 

TBC.