A’s Heavenly Downloads

“May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:14 (NIV)

One of my prayers for some time has  been for God to speak to me openly and directly, guide me and change me into a better person. And He has been. On so many levels.

One morning a couple of months ago, I took some time to read the morning devotional on the Bible app before heading off to work. It was probably more like a skim-read because the teaching obviously didn’t sink in. 

The verse of the day was: “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” 1 Peter 3:9 (NIV)

I got to work that morning, a little grumpy, hormonal. I spent a lot of time dealing with multiple emails and queries that I was barely able to do any of my own work that I had set out to do that day.  I grew increasingly frustrated as the day unfolded and ended up swearing out loud at a colleague’s query. 

Oops. Oh no! How could the same mouth that I use to speak to and praise the Lord produce such filth?! I couldn’t remember the last time I actively and purposely swore since growing closer in my walk with Christ and certainly since I got baptised in November 2023 – perhaps I’d done so once, or twice unintentionally and sought God’s forgiveness afterwards. Either way, I felt bad. Had I distressed God’s Holy Spirit within me? I said a quick prayer to apologise. 

A little while later, before my lunch break I took my phone out and  saw that my  Bible meditation  app had a message on healthy communication based on Ephesians 4:29.

It said: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” The meditation advised me to speak words of grace and peace.

Ouch, a warning. He Heard. Of course He did! God is always listening. His spirit lives within me. I felt embarrassed, but also amazed at the timing – it was almost immediate, as if the God of the universe who created and lives outside of time knew exactly what would happen and had orchestrated my activities to allow me to pause and see that pre-ordained message in that exact moment, even though it had been posted earlier in the day. Wow. 

But also I felt a bit rubbish and it played on my mind for the rest of the day. I’m far from perfect and  I’ve been trying so hard to please God.

That evening I received another devotional. Another warning ? The devotional asked me whether my love was kind. Hmmm. The following morning I received another devotional reminding me that God is bigger than my emotions, than my hormones. I came to learn that when tempted to let my emotions take control, I should ask God for help and also ask him to open my eyes to sin in my life.

Fast forward a few weeks later, I had some workmen come into my house to fit a new gas boiler. They brought with them a radio to play “secular music” and some rough chat. I was working from home, in my living room a couple of meters away with the door shut and heard one of them swearing continuously in casual conversation with his colleague,  almost as soon as he arrived. I  felt myself taking an immediate dislike to him. That dislike seemed to have stayed throughout his time with us, even though he ended up being pleasant enough with me and my husband, and professional in our presence. I had no issues with his colleague. 

The following morning that same worker  arrived at our home alone to finish the work. I was a bit disappointed that it wasn’t his seemingly more conscientious colleague who turned up. It was a Wednesday, my usual day for fasting and somehow the day that I tend to be tested the most. My husband offered the worker a cup of tea, as he had done the previous morning, and left to go work. I shut myself in the living room once again and  focused on my work. I wanted him to finish the work well and leave quickly without scuffing my walls or ruining my decor. I’d been worried an about the potential damage from the works for a while. Yet I was determined to fast well and retain the messages from my morning Devotionals and prayer time, unlike a few weeks prior. 

That morning the devotionals on my Bible app included an encouragement to pursue and stay focused on God and the things that matter most, to  align my life with the way Jesus lived.  I also prayed  for God to transform me and love others through me. I asked Jesus to teach me how to be kind ,  selfless, to love others the way he’s  asked me to, to remove  bitterness, pettiness, and selfishness from me so that only loving actions become the fruit of my life.

Straight after those prayers, I read a different devotional, which encouraged me to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry. This somehow ended up being what I remembered for most of the day. 

Anyway, the  workman left to go pick up an item for the boiler, which his colleague had mistakenly taken with him the previous day. In his absence  I went to inspect the installation and became immediately disgruntled at the scuff marks and finish of the job.

I was about to find out if my love was kind. 

TBC.