A’s Heavenly Downloads

So going back to the day the workman arrived alone to finish installing the boiler. I’d been trying so hard throughout the day to be slow to speak and slow to get angry. For some reason this was the encouragement from my morning devotionals that had mostly stayed with me throughout the day.

It certainly reminded me to bite my tongue during a work meeting when a senior colleague suggested I create an unnecessary, duplicate, process to add to my already excessive workload. To be honest I was already a little annoyed, and had been for some time, as I felt as though I was being taken advantage of because  work was  consistently being dumped on me and the parameters that I’d set when I agreed to temporarily oversee the team to help them out had been ignored. But that’s another story. It’s still a bit too raw and painful to write about fully just yet, hopefully I’ll get to it another day. In the meantime I’m working on forgiving those involved. 

After inspecting the installation  and noticing the scuff marks I found myself becoming grumpy and overly critical, not just of the work, the scuff marks and overall finish, but also of the workman himself and his demeanour. I grumbled at my husband profusely, pointing out all the issues I’d spotted in the workman’s absence. The most annoying point was what I felt was a lack of attention to detail as he had cut our existing plasterboard in a way that exposed the pipes beneath the boiler, where they were totally covered before.  

When the workman returned,  he explained how some of the scuffs had occurred and why the pipes were exposed. It was  because of the size of the boiler. It was larger than the one we had replaced and he was legally required to leave a certain clearance space around the appliance. This made  it necessary for him to cut the existing plasterboard covering the pipes in the way he did to allow access to the base of the appliance for servicing. 

Fair enough. I relented. We were told beforehand that we may need to do some remedial work afterwards at our own cost and  the work involved in the installation actually ended up being far less extensive than we originally thought it would be. In  the grand scheme of things the damage could be rectified relatively easily for minimal cost.

As the workman said his goodbyes, he thanked us for the cups of tea. My husband’s cups of tea that is. Then it hit me. I realised that I hadn’t so much as offered him a glass of  water throughout the day, let alone a cup of tea, or any other drink, even though we were in the same vicinity all day –  and it was a warm day. There was an abundance of food and drink in the kitchen and I had spent my time and energy focusing on the wrong things. I was more concerned about the mess, and keeping food items out of the way for hygiene purposes, instead of offering it to my guest, which he was. But I’d barely spoken to him and had also prejudged him because of the bad language he had used. I hadn’t been loving and kind at all and felt ashamed.

I’d read an online post earlier in the day about legalistic behaviour – the type of behaviour that the Pharisees displayed during Jesus’ time. It explained that the Pharisees went from being encouragers and lovers of God, to harassers, bullies and legalists. Their insistence on righteousness turned  into a code of rigid laws and rules. 

The post explored how legalism reduces our Christian faith to a set of rules, laws, regulations, requirements, and demands and often finds, or points out, which ones  others have missed and which ones  they should be keeping. It’s judgmental, ignores God’s sovereignty, love for people and the fact that righteousness – the only  standard that is acceptable for us to stand before God – comes only from and through the perfect holiness of Jesus Christ. It’s not something we can produce on our own, but when we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and saviour, believing that He is the perfect son of God who died for our sins, and rose again so that we who believe in Him can be eternally reconciled to God our Father,  we can trust God’s Holy Spirit to change our hearts so that His righteousness reflects in our daily lives. 

The devotional reminded me of King David’s prayer :

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24

Wow. How did I get here?  This was supposed to be a day of fasting, of focusing on Jesus and of loving others. I’d totally missed the mark.

But, as King David also pointed out in Psalm 51:17, “the sacrifices of the Lord are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise”. The sacrifice God seeks is true repentance – for us to acknowledge and turn away from our sins. He won’t reject a broken, remorseful  heart that is sorry for sin.

 I attended  a church service online that evening and the pastor ended up straying from his intended message and encouraged us to spend time in God’s presence, so I reflected once more on the morning’s main devotional. 

The pastor encouraged us to spend time in scripture, to ask God to speak to us  through His Word about what His will is whilst doing so, and to reflect on some of the things God says about me to remind myself of whose I am. That  God loves us (me). That the price He paid for us (me) cost Him everything. 

As I did this, I was led to Colossians 2:7, and then chapter 3. The key verses that stood out reminded me to:  

• stay rooted in Christ 
• set my mind on things above, where Christ is seated rather than on earthly things
• rid myself of things like anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language as these are reflective of the life I lived before following Christ
• clothe myself  with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, bear with and forgive others as the Lord has forgiven me. And over all these virtues put on love, which  binds them all together in perfect unity.

So it wasn’t that my love unkind, it was missing altogether it seems. I was so focused on my own issues and concerns,  whilst trying to hold my tongue in my own strength, rather than leaning on God seeking and following the Holy Spirit’s guidance throughout each day, and not just in the mornings. 

I’m so far from perfect and often get things wrong , but that’s why I need Jesus and the forgiveness his sacrifice on the cross brings. God is so patient, kind and faithful. He is teaching me, moulding me and loving me as I continue to walk with Him, and when I forget His instructions and mess up, He reminds me, as he did that day through the sermon, devotionals and reflection time, and He forgives me when I repent, and that’s what matters.

In writing this piece I was also reminded through re-reading Colossians 3:12 that because of Jesus’ sacrifice on my behalf, I am now part of God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved. By clothing myself with love, I clothe myself with Him, knowing that He who has  began a good work in me will  complete it until the day Jesus comes back.  Also, Jesus’ commandment to love others as I love myself means I actually have to love myself and extend the same compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness patience, and forgiveness to myself as I do others, especially when I realise that I’ve messed up and am truly sorry for it. 

Thank you Lord. 🙏 

 

1 Corinthians 13:2-8 (NIV) 

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 

(BUT)

Love (and ultimately God) is patient, love is kind. It (He) does not envy… does not boast… is not proud… does not dishonour others, is not self-seeking… is not easily angered… keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It (He) always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.